Pegging 101: Taking the Dildo by the Straps

Pegging is a sexual practice that has been attracting more and more attention in recent years. What is pegging? Why should we try it (or not)? Above all, how is it done?

We dissect all of that in the present article to help you take your dildo by the straps.

What is pegging?

In its original definition, pegging refers to a cisgender woman penetrating the anus of a cisgender man using a strap-on, which is a dildo secured in place by a harness.

The term “pegging” was coined in 2001 by Dan Savage in his sex advice column, Savage Love, which covers various sex-related topics. Back then, Savage sought the help of his readership to find a word for this sexual activity, specifically between a cisgender man and a cisgender woman.

For Savage, because the swapping of traditional penetrative/receptive roles involved in pegging sets it apart from other forms of anal play, it required a word of its own. The neologism “pegging” is controversial, however, partly because some people question the relevance of having a term that differentiates this anal practice from others that tend to be associated with queer sexualities. This distinction is perceived by some people as homophobic, since it creates an “exception” for heterosexual people, who can thus engage in traditionally queer practices while retaining their heterosexual identity and privilege (Aguilar, 2017).

Still, others view the term favourably, speaking of its emphasis on the deviation from compulsory gender roles in heterosexual relationships, and that it breaks open the limited (and limiting) sexual repertoire of heterosexual cisgender men (Branfman et al., 2018; McBride et Fortenberry, 2010). Indeed, many straight men are reluctant to adopt a receptive role and to receive anal pleasure because doing so might “homosexualize” them (Anderson, 2008; Branfman et al., 2018) and rob them of their masculinity in the eyes of their peers (Aguilar, 2017; Pitagora, 2019). The problem is that, by defining an anal sexual act as specific to straight couples, we not only reinforce the notion that anal penetration is gendered, but also that this desire should be repressed and avoided (Pitagora, 2019).

In sum, conceptually circumscribing pegging to straight people has its advantages, such as naming and recognizing a sexual practice and opening up the sexual repertoire of heterosexual men whose sexuality is unfortunately still restricted by the social codes of masculinity. However, it also has its drawbacks, such as leaving the homophobia surrounding the taboo of male anal sexuality unquestioned, or even reinforcing it.

Today, however, pegging can apply to anyone, regardless of gender.

Is pegging for me?

Now that we know about pegging’s background, let’s move on to the meat of the topic…why do it? There are many reasons to engage in pegging. Is pegging for me?

There are many reasons to engage in pegging. First, to experience pleasure. First, to experience pleasure. As simple as that. Pegging allows the receptive partner to experience anal stimulation, which generates a sensation that most people who have tried it find pleasurable (Branfman et al., 2018).

Pegging can also be a new way of exploring your body and discovering an orifice that you might not be used to playing with, much less having a dildo inserted into.

Then, there’s also the fact that it offers the possibility of role reversal. For some people, pegging fits into the broader world of BDSM (bondage/discipline, domination/submission, and sadism/masochism), the latter of which includes consensual power dynamics that involve control, restraint, pain, and/or humiliation.

In this context, because pegginginvolves a man—who is usually in the role of penetrator—giving up some power to take the role of receptive partner, it fits into BDSM in that it is a deliberate exchange of power that provides both physical and psychological pleasure (Pitagora, 2019).

Some people will play with the sensations and with the tension between pain and pleasure, but pegging can also be done without having it being associated with power dynamics or with a form of domination/submission, since the meaning of any given sexual act differs from one person to the next (Pitagora, 2013). Moreover, as will be discussed later, pegging doesn’t have to be painful if you are well prepared.

Whether we want to try pegging to explore our bodies differently, because power play is a big turn-on, or simply because we’re intrigued, this sexual activity can suit many people for different reasons, regardless of gender or sexual anatomy. Fantasies and desires that involve the use of a strap-on are quite common. All you need is an anus and a starter kit to make sure you get properly acquainted with pegging.

How is pegging done?

The idea of pegging can be quite daunting for first-timers. Some people are afraid of experiencing pain or a potential injury, while others have mental barriers tied to the “forbidden” nature of the practice. Here are a few things to consider for a smooth entry into the subject:

Consideration #1: communicate

Before you even consider putting on a strap-on, it’s important to discuss it with your partner, to talk about your expectations and about your anticipations around trust, and to set boundaries. Do you want to include a dominance/submission dynamic? Are you more into uninhibited exploration? Do you want to integrate a scenario or role-play? Everything is possible, but above all, everything must be communicated!

It’s also relevant to agree on a safe word: a word you can use to signal the need to take a break or put an end to the sexual encounter if you feel too uncomfortable to continue. The safe word can be anything, but it should be distinctive. Terms that designate foods, colours, or objects can help ensure that there are no misunderstandings. The safe word can be anything, but it should be distinctive. Terms that designate foods, colours, or objects can help ensure that there are no misunderstandings. Terms that designate foods, colours, or objects can help ensure that there are no misunderstandings

Consideration #2: equip yourself with lubricant

You will never have too much lube. In this context, slippery is your best friend. Unlike the vagina, the anus and rectum don’t produce any natural lubrication. Discomfort is therefore guaranteed if you don’t use lubricant or if you use too little of it.

From the wide range that’s available out there, you’ll need to find one that suits you best, but also that works well with your dildo (yep, it also has its say on this). Speaking of, we have an article that demystifies everything you need to know about lubricants.

Consideration #3: choose the hardware that’s right for you

There’s no one-size-fits-all strap-on: it all comes down to personal preference.

The dildo

Dildos come in all colours, sizes, and textures, and even technologies. The golden rule for novices is to go gradually. Especially when it comes to size, but also in terms of degree of anal play. If you’ve never inserted anything in your butt, it’s best to warm yourself up by starting with a well-lubricated finger—yours or your partner’s—or with a toy like a butt plug.

Even better: start the fun by stimulating the anus on its surface, using finger(s) or a tongue, to awaken your desire and leave you wanting more. You can also play with your genitals at the same time. It will allow you to relax and increase blood flow down there, which will increase anal sensitivity and let your butt know that it’s about to have a guest.

Comfort at this stage is particularly important for the receptive partner. Also, for hygiene and maintenance reasons, it’s recommended to use a dildo made of a non-porous material such as silicone, metal, or glass. The material can also affect weight and feel.

Compatibility with the harness

Not all dildos are designed to be worn. You’ll need a dildo with a flat base so that it can be secured in a belt or harness. You can also add a base to your dildo to maximize comfort during back and forth movements if your favourite toy doesn’t come with a “tie-me-down, baby” option.

The harness or belt

Just like dildos, there are several kinds of harnesses and belts that can be selected according to our preferences in terms of comfort and aesthetics. Some models have three loops (one that goes around the waist, and the other two, around the thighs) that allow access to the penetrating partner’s genitals, while others cover the genitals with a loop or with fabric to maximize support.

When shopping for a harness or belt, take the time to inform yourself on the pros and cons of each model. Choose one that is comfortable, that allows you some flexibility in hip movement, and most importantly, that makes you feel like the sex machine that you are.

Consideration #4: be ready to get down and dirty

If you plan on entering through the back door, you might find yourself exposed to traces of feces, which is totally NORMAL.

Let’s say it again: traces of stool during anal play is NORMAL!

Sure, it can create a bit of discomfort, but let’s avoid disgust and judgement. If traces of feces show up, don’t panic: clean the contaminated surfaces and change the sheets afterwards. Also, make sure to wash the dildo between each use with a cleanser that is safe for its material.

Speaking of hygiene, it’s also important to use protection, such as an external condom on the dildo, if you intend to alternate partners or orifices, to avoid the transmission of bacteria and of sexually transmitted and blood-borne infections (STBBIs).

Consideration #5: choose a position

Pegging is often associated with the doggy style position, but it’s also possible to get pegged by your partner while face-to-face, if connecting via eye-contact turns you on. You can also take control while being pegged by being on top of your partner, which will help you better gauge the depth and pace of the dildo’s penetration into your anus. And, yes, you can swap sexual roles during pegging; nothing’s stopping you!

Now that you have everything you need to explore anal penetration with a strap-on, all you have to do is indulge in it once or twice… or potentially several times. Despite all the preparations, you may still need a bit of practice and adjustment to find the right formula for you and your partner. So, be patient and remain open to all the potential “oopsies,” “yeah… no,” or “this isn’t quite what I had imagined”. After all, practice makes perfect!