Protecting it, Losing it, or Gifting it: Are we Talking about Virginity or a Pair of Keys?

I was almost 22 when I had sex for the first time. It was on a Tinder one night stand. The feeling of being “late” compared to others, and of not understanding an entire language – not knowing an essential life dimension – was making me really unhappy.

I felt like I couldn’t really be an adult until I was intimate with someone.

I never had the opportunity to have a boyfriend in high school or to hang out with boys to discover myself and experiment like the other girls around me, and the gap was widening between “those who knew” and “those who just didn’t”, like myself.

I often lied when playing “never have I ever” and skilfully dodged embarrassing questions that seemed innocuous to everyone else. It felt as though my “undesirable” virgin aura, and therefore “lack” of sex appeal, was written across my forehead throughout college, and therefore, that no guy would be attracted to me.

I lost my virginity on that Tinder date because I could no longer wait for a guy with whom it could progress slowly and surely and who could potentially become that first boyfriend I told myself that I no longer had the time or the patience for that. It had to happen.

Fortunately, the guy was very nice, gentle, and above all, patient. He was truly happy to help me take this step, which was very important to me. He asked me if I’d rather wait until I was with a guy I knew and trusted more. But I needed and wanted to do it right then!

I could have had a disastrous first experience, but I was lucky. (Yep, here we still are, saying that it’s fortunate that the man we sleep with/date was respectful when it should really just be normal) I always have positive feelings when I look back on it now.

I never saw him again. I think it’s partly because he was afraid that I would become attached to him. I admit immediately thinking I had found a sexual partner and that we would do it again; practice makes perfect, and all that… But no. It took me another year to find myself in someone else’s bed, and I was just as clumsy then.

Nevertheless, I truly felt better after that first time. More confident. The fear of the unknown had dissipated.

After my first sexual experience, I started taking care of myself more and wanting to be attractive and sexy, just for me.

I discovered that lingerie makes me feel strong and beautiful. Most of the time it remains a well-kept secret hidden under a good old jeans-and-t-shirt combo, but it makes me feel proud and more driven nonetheless.

Today, at 27, I’m mostly “caught up” sexually, and I feel as though what’s currently proverbially written on my forehead is that I don’t really need anyone!

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