I Recorded Audio Porn

The title of this article leaves little to the imagination. Or maybe it leaves a lot. In the end, I once did exactly what it says: I recorded audio porn for a guided masturbation app. If you hadn’t heard about this sub-branch of pornography until now, just know that it’s not quite like listening to the soundtrack of your favourite movie, Journey to the Dom-Minican Republic. It’s more like an erotic podcast or a very, very explicit narrative with a couple of homemade sound effects.

This experience allowed me to realize a few things about my relationship with eroticism, pornography, my five senses, and ASMR (spoiler: that I absolutely hate it). What started with a message from Club Sexu—“Hey, would you like to record audio porn and write an article about it?”—led to a journey deep within (yes, I know how that sounds!).

The story that I read into a microphone, peppered with languid breaths? I wrote it. Yep, I wrote a sex scene with nitty-gritty descriptions, all the way down to the amount of saliva and degree of anal stretching.

Although I write regularly, I had never tried my pen at an explicit sex scene before. And I realized that it’s not as easy as it looks! It’s not that the fantasies are lacking or that the imagination gives the writer the run-around, but rather, as titillating as the mind can be, it’s just that describing sex while remaining captivating is hard. While people can’t get enough of seeing two people making out passionately on the screen, there’s a limit to the number of times I can say “I kiss you” into a mic without making my audience zone out.

The questions pile up faster than people are losing their clothes. What is it about sexual encounters that we find so hot, exactly? Is it the caresses? The bodily fluids? The sounds? What elements do I look for in porn that I should inject—or not—into my story?

The thing is, because audio porn speaks directly to the listener by placing them at the centre of the story, it makes the overall experience more singular—more intimate—than does watching people fuck on screen. It’s more contemplative.

After all, when I whisper in your ear, “You arch your back, exposing your little ass even more. It’s your birthday, but you’re the one offering yourself as a gift. My tongue slips against your anus once more. I press lightly. You love it. Your breathing is getting faster and faster…,” you have no choice but to abandon yourself to the present moment.

Don’t get me wrong: I will defend your desire to travel to the Dom-Minican Republic. Audio porn isn’t necessarily better than video porn, it’s just… different. To date, here’s the best comparison I’ve ever heard: listening to porn instead of watching it is the equivalent of going to a restaurant in pitch darkness. The core of the experience remains the same, but you will approach it differently.

Before I could finish writing my text, I had to finish myself off more than once. Let’s just say that writing stories as hot as embers has its perils.

My lower abdomen all warmed up, I headed over to the studio for the recording or, as it’s called, the real fun. Unlike my ex’s experiences in recording studios—he dubbed American pornos into international French to pay off his drama school debt (his interpretation of a bold “so, do you want my cock?” deserves an Oscar)—my recording session went well, with lots of indulgent and nervous laughter.

I must confess that, in my own sex life, dirty talk is done more as a joke than anything else. What can I say? I don’t get too serious in the sack.

It’s a thousand degrees in the recording studio. Summer has arrived way too soon in Montreal. I’m all alone in the booth, hearing myself breathe in surround sound through my headphones. I am hot. I’m sweating puddles. Not quite the wetness we’re looking for, but we’ll work with what we have.

I look over what I have written. It’s a long monologue full of imagery in which I tell you what I’m doing to you—the listener—slowly, and in detail: how I kiss you, how I lick your anus, and insert a dildo up your ass to the sound of your incessant moans. I try to read the first sentence out loud on the mic. But I get nervous.

I feel ridiculous.

Jesus.

This is going to be hard.

I need a minute or two. I make a few self-deprecating jokes. Laughing is sexy, right? I hear kind laughter from the producers in my headphones, followed by words of encouragement. I relax.

It’s funny, because I realize that recording audio porn awakens in me the same awkwardness and insecurities I sometimes feel during a roll in the hay. Performance pressure had followed me all the way in the studio. Whether it’s in bed or before a mic, I fear that people will think I’m boring. Or inadequate. Or fake.

No matter how confidently I narrate how I fuck you until you drool all over yourself, in reality, I have sweaty palms and my legs feel like jello.

But, on the other side of the pane separating the recording booth from the console, I have great colleagues. They listen to me and they reassure me. They encourage me to stay grounded. That’s what matters: being supported. Plus, doing something as a team can be really fun.

I’m feeling more and more comfortable. I read my first line again. My sensuality finally decides to invite itself to the party. I moan a little into the microphone. I play the game.

It’s a wrap. I come out of the booth with a new realization: porn requires a lot of vulnerability.

***

Did this article tickle your interest in audio porn? Here’s where you can start your sensual immersion:

Oui.e: a hot, inclusive, consent-based queb podcast. Oh, and it’s free!

Dipsea: a sex-positive project founded in San Francisco that aims to break away from the male gaze that dominates mainstream porn. You can try it for free, then subscribe monthly or yearly if you want more.

Voxxx: based in France, Voxxx offers a wide selection of guided masturbation sessions and erotic stories. Registration required, but free listening.

Coxxx: the masculine side of Voxxx, offering a selection of texts aimed more at men and people with penises.