Sad observation: despite the many waves of #MeToo in recent years, consent still seems to be a fuzzy concept for many of us

Did you know that asking for others’ consent doesn’t have to be boring or awkward? It’s not something we do through registered mail or in formal business-attire-only meetings. It can be done through text, in a taxi on your way back home from the bar, or smack dab in the middle of a session of 69ing. When it’s done right, it can even be a major turn-on.

There’s nothing like a “do you like it when I take you like that?” whispered in the ear to dilate the pupils of a consenting partner and raise the hairs on the back of their neck.

Making sure the other person is down with your plan builds trust and creates a safe space. Who knows, they might even want to try out deliciously dirty stuff with you because you make them feel at ease.

So, where do we start?

Before getting intimate

Here, we start with a few simple and naughty phrases to ensure a potential, casual, or even a regular partner’s consent BEFORE making a move:

1- I’d love it if we made each other feel good with our hands, would you be down?

2- Do you want to fool around at my house?

3- We’re undressing each other with our eyes, would you like us to undress for real?

4- Is it okay if I touch you?

5- Would you like to cuddle?

6- Do you want us to kiss each other all over?

7- Would you like to come back to my place? I’d like to get intimate with you.

8- How would you like the evening to end?

9- I’ve been thinking about kissing you for several loooonnnng minutes, may I?

Right in the middle of doing it

It’s been said before, and we’ll say it again: making sure your partner consents is as important DURING sex as it is BEFORE sex.

Here are some juicy lines to ask for others’ consent while you’re fooling around:

10- Does it turn you on when I kiss you here?

11- Do you like that?

12- Do you want to keep going?

13- It turns me on when you touch yourself right in front of me, would you do it again?

14- Do you want to stop? Shall we take a break?

15- Do you want me to go faster? Slower?

16- Do you like it when I touch you like that?

17- Do you want to take me in your mouth?

18- You can tell me you wanna stop at any time, ok? No pressure.

To know each other’s turn-ons (and turn-offs)

You are right in the middle of it. The temperature rises, things are getting steamy, moans are getting louder and faster, and it makes you want to try some kinky stuff.

Before flipping your partner upside down to imitate page 78 of the Kama Sutra, ask them if they’d be up for it. Here are some ways to find out their preferences and make sure you have their consent:

19- I want to go down on you, can I?

20- Do you want to try doggystyle?

21- How would you like me to touch you? Could you show me?

22- What would turn you on right now?

23- Do you want to take the lead?

24- Take my hand and guide me as you like.

25- Being touched here makes me so wet!

26- You can call me “slut” if you want. That would turn me on so much!

27- I wanna grab your hair, can I?

For when you want to send or receive steamy nudes

Let’s make one thing clear: an unsolicited dick pic is one too many dick pics (this also applies to snatch pics). Whether or not you two are reeeeaaaally close, it’s important to make sure that the other person is in the right mood AND in the right place to receive a shot of your skin worthy of the best – or worst – Playboy edition.

We’ve prepared a few examples of primers to help you ask consent to send (or receive) custom, naughty imagery:

28- I took a naughty pic of myself thinking of you, would you like to see it?

29- I did a photoshoot wearing barely anything, do you want to see how it turned out?

30- I just took a great shot of my ass, wanna see?

31- I just thought I’d mention that receiving a photo of you scantily clad would turn me on a lot right now. Are you up for show and tell?

32- I was just thinking of you, and thought you’d like to know that I’m in the mood to see photos of you wearing little or nothing at all if you’re up for it. Let me reassure you that I’d keep them to myself.

33- Would you like for us to exchange a few naughty photos? We can discuss what we are wanting to see and are willing to reveal…

34- If I take a picture of my ass, but no one sees it, did I really take a picture of my ass? #Socrates

35- I’m desperately trying to remember the delicate shape of your breasts. Care to refresh my memory? 

36- It turns me on so much when we sext like this. Do you want us to swap words for photos?

For hot texts

Whether in person or remotely, consent is ALWAYS required. Things are getting naughty between you and your crush and you just want to write to them how much you’re dreaming of eating them out? That’s nice and all, but it’s possible that they’re in the middle of brunch with Grandma and the timing’s not great for sexting. It’s also possible that they’re just not in the mood. Or they might reply with words that are hotter than ghost peppers, setting your screen on fire.

Here are some examples to validate consent before sending sexual texts:

37- I’d like to describe to you the effect you have on me, would that turn you on?

38- The thoughts I have when I think of you would make a Nun blush… Would you like to read some of them?

39- I’m super horny and have some free time. Wanna turn each other on with words?

40- I don’t know when we’ll see each other again, but I DO know what I’d like to do to you again. Want me to refresh your memory and get those panties wet?

41- Since exchanging fluids isn’t possible right now, how about exchanging naughty thoughts? You in?

42- My evening feels a bit empty without you. Shall we tease each other a little?

43- You affect me even from a distance. Want to know what I would do to you right now if I could?

44- Would you like to switch from #textacular to #sextactular ?

45- I have a few steamy messages just begging to be sent to you. Do you want me to warm you up?

On that note, have (consensual) fun, everyone!