Our recipe for becoming an outstanding lover (the best, even)

Article presented by Prelib

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After listening to our contributor Sara Mathieu-C.’s column on the Pénélope radio program, we asked ourselves: Is there a foolproof recipe for being good in bed (or on the floor, in a tent, or on a kitchen island…)?

What would happen if we cooked up the perfect recipe—and included all the fixings?

How to be an outstanding lover

Ingredients

• Basic understanding of anatomy and erogenous zones
• 1 cup good intentions
• A pinch of authenticity
• 1 tbsp humility
• 1 tbsp openness to constructive feedback
• 500 g caring discussions about sexual health
• ¼ cup ongoing seduction

Preparation

• On your work surface, knead together some basic knowledge of anatomy and erogenous zones. Practice thoroughly.

The first step towards becoming an outstanding lover is learning a few basic techniques for stimulating erogenous zones. Practice makes perfect.

An erogenous zone is an area of the body that arouses us when stimulated. These zones can be genital—such as the clitoris, testicles, or anus—or nongenital, like the nape of the neck, the back of a knee, the earlobes, and even the toes.

These little pleasure zones are unique to each person. The sensation and tingles they spark are based on the degree of stimulation. Erogenous zones can be caressed, pinched, penetrated, kissed, or nibbled on. The list goes on.

Just like in the kitchen, the world of pleasure can be explored through endless ingredients and techniques. If you’re unsure of where to start or want to master some tips and tricks, look to our friends at Jouissance Club for their inclusive, illustrated guide to all things stimulation.

Preparation notes

The techniques that work for getting one person off may not work for another. You can sync the strokes of your tongue to the rhythm of Billie Eilish’s Lunch or perform the perfect wrist twist at a precise 45-degree angle, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to get your partner off.

Try to think of a sexual relationship as an à la carte menu rather than a fixed table d’hôte that embraces a holistic approach and a spirit of exploration.

Communication, well-meaning curiosity, and trial and error are often our best tools when it comes to getting the ball rolling. If we’re suddenly struck with the urge to get creative, it’s also important to ask for consent, and then ask again as needed, ensuring that the main course is to our partner’s liking and respects their boundaries.

• Add 1 cup of intention and a pinch of authenticity. Stir well.

Technique, though necessary, isn’t always enough to get the broiler heating, because even if you’ve got the skills, eroticism often boils down to intention and authenticity.

When enjoying a moment of intimacy, we find ways to let our partner know that we’re enjoying ourselves when it comes to giving or receiving. Expressing our pleasure can come in many forms: moans, words, glances, or hugs—before, during, or after sex.

It’s important to ensure that you’re prioritizing your partner’s pleasure as much as your own. A good lover does everything they can to make their partner feel physically and psychologically safe to share their wants and desires without fear of judgment.

Preparation notes

There’s a fine line separating sincerity and performance. Sharing your intention and authenticity is just as important when it comes to what you like and what you don’t like.

If we butter up our partners by performing our pleasure, we’re guiding them down the wrong path. It’s like using salt instead of sugar when baking a cake. It might seem alright at first, but it’s bound to leave a bad taste in your mouth.

• Season generously with humility and a dash of openness to constructive feedback. Adjust to taste.

The secret ingredient that brings together the entire recipe? Humility.

Just as every family thinks their meat pie recipe is the best, preferences aren’t necessarily objective. Thinking you have THE BEST recipe (that you, Matty Matheson?) without making the necessary tweaks or incorporating constructive feedback can be the enemy of bedroom bliss.

If your five-course meal impresses less than we’d hoped or expected, that doesn’t mean you have to give up. Instead, we adjust our recipe to suit our guest’s tastes, remaining attentive to signs of pleasure (or displeasure) and inviting them to give us feedback.

If you’re not sure whether your partner is enjoying himself or herself, you can ask:

“Do you like it when I touch you like this?”

“Would you prefer if I touch you this way, or do you like this better?”

“Would you like me to go faster? Slower?”

If your partner tells you that your recipe isn’t perfect, don’t make a big deal of it. Even master chefs are always eager to improve their craft. Ask questions like:

“Can you show me what you like? I want to learn.”

“What can I do differently to give you the most pleasure possible?”

Becoming the crème de la crème is a constant WIP.

• Warm a pan on the stovetop over medium-high heat. Gently place caring discussions about sexual health face up into the pan and let it sizzle.

Caring about you and your partner’s pleasure is hot stuff, and discussions about sexual health should be the mandatory side dish to all this pleasure.

Sure, discussing protection methods and screenings with your date can be a bit awkward, but if you approach it in an open and positive way, you’re showing them you care about their well-being as much as your own.

Start by discussing the appropriate protection methods to use, depending on our sexual activities—a conversation that should ideally take place before the act. If you decide to forgo barrier protection (condoms, dental dams, or latex gloves), then it’s essential to share your sexual health status and get tested for STBBIs at a clinic like Prelib. You and your partner can even book your appointments 15 minutes apart and make it a screening date—you’ll be done in less time than it takes to proof a homemade loaf of bread.

Better yet, get tested a second time three months later because, not unlike the time it takes for a pickle to marinate, STBBIs can take time to become detectable.

Like a comforting bowl of chicken soup for our soul, testing can let us indulge in intimate acts—without the stress-related tummy aches.

• Allow the sauce to simmer the sauce outside of the bedroom, adding generous handfuls of seduction and stirring repeatedly. Bring to a slow, tantalizing boil.

Like many recipes, the key to success often requires good preparation…and proper digestion.

There’s nothing like setting the mood and keeping the seduction going to bring pleasure to a boiling point well before and after our undies come off.

Considering that an orgasm tends to last just 10 to 20 seconds, it’s a shame to rush through the rest of the sundae. The orgasm is only the cherry on top: the ice cream is also tasty!

You should always pay close attention to what comes before and after the meal—uh, intercourse. Make your partner’s mouth water by flirting with them. Devour them with your eyes. Whisper sweet, juicy nothings into their ears and slowly taste one another’s lips. Create a sweet-and-savoury vibe whenever possible—between video meetings, while browsing the produce aisle at the grocery store. And don’t forget about the post-sex pillow talk sesh that happens after we unfurl our bodies from being un-pretzled.

Once the last session has ended, it’s time to start planning the next. Following these steps is the secret spice—a magical ingredient that can be sprinkled on as liberally as desired!

Chaud devant!