How to stay safe on a first date

This article is presented by Fruitz.

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Ahhh, dating. Just about anyone who’s out there looking for love must go through the process of dating: sometimes, with trepidation, but often with excitement.

Swiping left and right can feel exciting, but perhaps the most exciting part of all is when you finally make that match and get ready to take things offline. So many of us play out scenarios in our minds anticipating how the date will go down. Leading up to it, we ask ourselves a thousand and one questions: Will the in-person chemistry  be the same as in our text exchanges? Will they smell as good as I imagine they do? Will they like me the same way I like them? Where should we meet on our first date?

Going on a first date can sometimes be stressful. You may have concerns about your safety or what kind of impression you’re going to make on the other person. The dating game is a delicate dance. Whether you’re planning on hanging out for just one night—or for a lot longer than that—it’s a vulnerable position to be in. Ideally, conversations around safety wouldn’t even be a concern, but the reality is that we should always take certain precautions in mind so that we feel safe and our date does, too. It all starts with consent and mutual respect for one another’s boundaries.

In any kind of relationship, even a one-night stand, it’s important that both parties create a space where everyone feels safe and respected.

This practical two-part guide provides some recommendations on how you and your date can feel safe when meeting for the first time.

How to stay safe when dating

Even before you go out on a date, there are certain precautions you can take to ensure your personal data stays confidential while using dating apps and sites. For example, we suggest creating a separate account that isn’t linked with your social media profiles. This way, you can take your time to make an informed decision before you start following one another and exchanging personal info.

When it comes to swiping, there are a few ways to spot the fake accounts, scammers, and catfishers of this world. For starters, catfishers will usually have few to no photos, or they will have photos that look pulled from the pages of Vogue. An unverified account or one that displays a profile with very little information deserves to be approached with a healthy dose of skepticism. Apps like Fruitz can provide profile verification, ensuring that the person you’re interacting with really is who they say they are. If something seems too good to be true, or if you feel uncomfortable, listen to yourself. It’s okay to take a step back. You can also use the Fruitz app to verify your account, too. 

Want to cut to the chase and only be visible to profiles you’ve ”liked” already? Some paid app packages, like Fruitz’s Go Incognito mode, offer this feature, which reduces unwanted interactions and lets you see only the profiles that interest you.

A few days before your date, you can schedule a phone call with the person you’re planning to meet, which can serve as a preliminary vibe check.

It’s always less awkward to tell someone over the phone that you don’t see things working out than having to do it face-to-face (note: no matter how you deliver the news, it’s important to do it).

If everything’s going well and you’ve got a rendez-vous planned with the person who intrigues you, then you go, Glen Coco! But where to meet? We say choose a neutral location. This way, you avoid ruining your favourite café and any future awkward run-ins with a date that didn’t work out. It’s also a good idea to discuss mutual expectations with the person before the date, to clarify certain details so you can avoid uncomfortable situations—like how you’re going to split the bill at the restaurant.

Similarly, you can think about subjects you want to avoid broaching and the personal information you’d prefer to keep to yourself before your date. You’re under no obligation to share any details about your life, and you get to decide to whom and in what context you want to share information to without feeling pressured to do so. It’s completely valid to establish boundaries beforehand. For example, if your date insists on having your phone number when you prefer to keep chatting on the dating app, you can let them know that you’d rather get to know them first. Respecting someone’s boundaries is, after all, a green flag that won’t go unappreciated. 

On the way to your date, you can let a friend or the group chat know where you plan to meet, and even share your location with them if it makes you feel better.

Make sure your phone is charged, so your friends and family can reach you if they need to. Ideally, choose a meeting place that’s easily accessible, depending on your means of transport, so you can leave at a time that suits you.

If you feel uncomfortable, unwell, or downright unsafe at any point during the date, listen to your gut and leave. You can say that you’re expected somewhere, that you have an emergency, or simply that you’re not feeling well and need to go home. Don’t worry about looking stupid—your comfort and safety come first, even if you’re not 100% sure of your feelings.

If you’re at home or at your date’s, it’s better to plan ahead in case you want out. For example, you can ask a friend to call you during your date and use a secret code to check in with you and see how the date is going. If you’re in a public area, don’t hesitate to ask the staff for a little help. Don’t feel shy: they’ve seen it all. They will have your back, and may even come up with a problem to give you an excuse to leave, such as needing you to free up your table. Restaurant staff are pros and can even help you leave discreetly or call you a cab if needed.

How to make sure your date feels safe, too 

Your date’s sense of security is just as important as your own. There are a few steps you can take to ensure they feel at ease in your presence. By sharing your comfort level and some of your boundaries when it comes to dating, you create an environment where they’ll also feel safe and respected. To get that conversation started, it may be helpful to be upfront in your profile about what you’re looking for on the app. For example, Fruitz lets you choose a fruit that aligns with your dating intentions: a melon for a friend with benefits, a cherry for a relationship, a grape for a one-night stand, and a peach for a booty call. Once you’ve broken the ice, it’s easier to find out what each person is looking for through the app.

When it comes time to meet in the flesh, some people choose to consume alcohol, while others don’t. In moderation, alcohol can help people loosen up, but it can also affect our ability to think and make decisions. In any case, consuming alcohol during a date isn’t obligatory, and it’s important to respect the other person’s choice to drink or not.

It can be practical to bring your own protection (e.g., condoms, sexual dams, latex gloves), even if you don’t necessarily intend to hook up that night. Doing so signals to your date that you care about your sexual health—and theirs, too!—and saves you a trip to the pharmacy. It also opens up the conversation about using protection, dispelling any discomfort and avoiding taking risks once you’re in the thick of it. Don’t forget that another form of protection is getting tested regularly for STIs!

Being kind when it’s time to call it a night is always a smart move and tells your date you care about them and their well-being, regardless of how the night went.

You can offer to pay for a cab or walk them to their car, even if you have no expectations of seeing each other again (it’s the polite thing to do!). If the person prefers to make their own way home, you can simply suggest that they write to you when they arrive at their destination to make sure they made it home safely—but don’t insist! 

Finally, it’s important to remember that every encounter is unique, and that the magic of the moment lies not only in the outcome of the date, but also in the shared experience and mutual discoveries. By following these recommendations, you can not only promote your own safety and well-being but also open the door to new relationships, be they fleeting, friendly, or forever.