Let’s talk about sex: How to tend to your intimate garden

This article is presented by l’Ordre professionnel
des sexologues du Québec

VISIT ThE WEBSITE

Health is like a garden, and every plant represents a part of your overall health.

Sexual health is often the withered plant we forget about next to the heater—you know, the one screaming #WaterPlease for dear life.

We may be biased, but tending to this particular plant can help you thrive. In partnership with the Ordre professionnel des sexologues du Québec (OPSQ), we’re breaking down what sexual health is and how you can tend to yours. Get out your gardening gloves and hoes (#SorryNotSorry), and let’s dig in.

(By the way, this text contains so many plant metaphors that you’ll never be able to look at a pothos again without blushing. You’ve been warned!)

Sexual health and mental health: Same, same but different

Sexual health doesn’t just refer to an absence of disease or dysfunction. It’s also a state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being regarding one’s sexuality. It’s as much about the act itself as it is about identity, diverse experiences, and sexual autonomy—aka the ability to make informed and free decisions about one’s sexuality without pressure, constraint, or external influence (WHO, 2022)

It starts at the root! Sexual health also includes having a positive and respectful approach to sexuality, which promotes safe, pleasurable sexual encounters.

Sexual health and mental health are planted in the same garden; they’re intimately linked. Both aspects of our lives mutually influence a person’s overall well-being.

For example, a fulfilling sex life promotes self-esteem, self-confidence, and emotional well-being. Having access to sexual education and healthcare can also be preventative and help minimize the risk of contracting sexually transmitted and blood-borne infections (STBBIs), unwanted pregnancies, or even discrimination, which, a bit like weeds, can be a source of stress and anxiety.

Issues related to sexuality go far beyond intimacy. Questioning one’s sexual orientation and worrying about how those around you will respond, for example, can have an impact on your social relationships, your sense of security, and your mental health.

Conversely, mental health also has an impact on sexuality. Think of it like when you decide to move your plant into -40° conditions. Dealing with stress affects our ability to experience pleasure (who wants to bang it out when our stress levels are skyrocketing like the vine in Jack and the Beanstalk?!). Similarly, body image, struggling mentally, and medications like antidepressants can impact our libidos and, therefore, our sex lives.

You get the idea: These roots become tangled.

Caring for your sexual health means caring for your mental health and vice versa. Open conversations about sexuality help break down taboos and promote healthy practices, such as tuning in to our own needs, respecting those of others, and prioritizing consent. Together, these habits support better emotional and mental well-being.

On the other hand, caring for your sexual health can be easier said than done. Until recently—and even now in some circles—it was believed that you should only address issues as they appear (withered leaves🥀) instead of tackling issues head-on to prevent any future difficulties—nipping them in the bud, so to speak.

Fortunately, today’s society is becoming increasingly aware of the importance of maintaining sexuality and sexual pleasure—from taboo-free conversations to leveraging what resources are available to us.

As a result, there are many ways to help your sexuality blossom.

Taking charge of your sexual health

Get a sexual health check-up

The first step is to assess your sexual health. How’s it going? How are its leaves, stems, and soil quality? How often do you water it? (if you know what we mean), etc.

The goal is not to examine your sexuality and strive for perfection but rather to identify your needs and areas you’d like to improve or parts you need help with. In turn, this will help you know where to look. Start by defining a goal for your sexual health assessment. This will keep you from getting off track and help you better identify the steps you must take afterward, for example:

• examining specific aspects of your sexuality
• making decisions
• taking stock of any difficulties or dissatisfaction
• identifying any information you’re facing

It helps you understand what your plant needs so you don’t water it too often or give it too much sun exposure (raise your hand if this sounds familiar). There are several ways to approach it: keeping a journal, asking yourself questions and identifying the elements that require further exploration, discussing these topics with your partner(s), and more.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself to take stock of your situation in various aspects of sexual health:

Choose your strategy

There isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach to caring for your sexual health. What works for you will depend on the needs you’ve identified in the assessment, and your options can be complementary. You might choose to do your research online by referring to credible resources like sexologists or organizations that specialize in sex education (like us 😉); you can talk to people you trust or participate in support or discussion groups ; you can consult screening resources; and of course, you can consider speaking to a sexologist.

Sexologists have recognized training in sexology and are licensed by the Ordre professionnel des sexologues du Québec. Yes, sir! They are the best professionals to talk to about sexual health issues and to ask all your questions, free from judgment, and if you don’t know where to start your vegetable garden, they are also the best people to help you identify your needs and find the most appropriate intervention.

By the way, if you’d like to know when to consult a sexologist and how to choose the right one for you, check out our juicy article.

Want some tips for thriving like a plant in full photosynthesis? Here you go!

Whatever strategy you decide on, the most important thing is to go at your own pace and focus on your needs. It can be tricky, even confrontational, but once you’ve found the sweet spot of water-sun-humidity-sweet words to encourage growth, it’ll all be worthwhile.

Happy gardening, team Sexu!